Local Elections: More Things to Vote On Than People Voting
Much to my surprise, we have an election tomorrow! I was blissfully unaware of this until the sample ballot showed up in my mailbox. Nevertheless, my obsession with voting continues, partly fueled by my secret hope that those of us who vote all the time will get some sort of special perk out of it, like if we vote in ten non-national elections we get to have our vote count twice in the election of our choice. Or maybe we get automatically get bumped to the top of organ donor lists. I’m just putting ideas out there.
At any rate, this little city election has managed to generate a wee bit of controversy by creating an unlikely feud between the LAPD and the LA Public Libraries. You see, Measure L would increase funding to LAPL and help counter the large service reductions recently put into place by budget cuts. It’s a hard time to cut libraries, since they provide a lot of social services such as after school programs and access to computers for the unemployed. The measure phases in an increase in allocation from property tax revenues.
The Police Union (The Los Angeles Police Protection League, a not-at-all intimidating thing to name your union of heavily armed people) opposes it on the grounds that if you allocate more funds to the libraries you have to cut funds from somewhere else, for example, the police. This sounds reasonable until you realize that the LAPD receives 52.6% of the city budget and libraries a mere 3.3%. The Fire Department only gets 17.1% and you don’t hear them whining about the libraries. Furthermore, the Chief of Police, Charlie Beck, supports Measure L. I don’t get it dudes, did the great LAPL sting operation convince you that libraries were a hive of criminal activity? Even if they are, I’m voting yes on this sucker.
But wait! There’s more tediously boring stuff to vote on. Often I can shortcut the need to read the proposals by looking to see what the Howard Jarvis Taxpayers Foundation endorses and voting the exact opposite. However, they seem curiously silent this election. Not enough evil for you to accomplish this time, boys? Too busy sitting around and watching the infrastructure crumble? Looks like I’m on my own.
Charter Amendment G: Creates a new, crappier tier in the existing Police and Fire Pension Plan to screw new employees. Strangely, there are no arguments for or against this, only a rebuttal to the non-existent argument against. I had no idea that you could rebut an argument that hasn’t been made, but our mayor has somehow managed. Shouldn’t this be the measure that the Police Protection League is weighing in on instead of stealing lunch money from the library nerds? Since the Fire and Police Chiefs are supporting it, or at least rebutting the argument against it, I’ll vote for it too. Also, I just learned our Fire Chief is named Millage Peaks. This amuses me.
Charter Amendment H: Restricts campaign contributions from those who bid on big ticket contracts and increases public funding. Are you kidding? That’s a huge yes. The main opposition is (surprise!) contractors.
Charter Amendment I: Establishes an “Office of Public Accountability” for the Department of Water and Power. I get the impression that this is a pissing match between DWP and the City Council, with the latter complaining the DWP doesn’t explain stuff to them enough. The water politics of LA are nothing if not nasty (am I right, Jake Gittes?), so I’m all for anything that will make them more transparent. Voting Yes.
Charter Amendment J: Another “Suck it DWP! Love, the City Council” measure. Actually, it just makes the DWP budget calendar match the city’s. We have to vote on this shit? Apparently. Another Yes.
Charter Amendment L: Already covered. Perhaps the libraries can use the extra dough to find out who misfiled Amendment K.
Proposition M: I’m tempted to ask what the difference between an amendment and a proposition is, but I’m afraid someone will actually explain it to me. Proposition M taxes our fine medicinal marijuana collectives, which seems logical. I mean, the city is spending huge amounts of money trying to put the dispensaries out of business, it’s only fair the dispensaries should help fund that effort. The twist here is that the people who really do want the dispensaries out of business, like the DA, Police Chief, and professional political endorser Sheriff Lee Baca, oppose the proposition because taxing the dispensaries would further legitimize them. Naturally, this makes me all for it. Another Yes!
Charter Amendment N: Removes some unconstitutional stuff about campaign financing from the City Charter. Sadly, the unconstitutional stuff was helping make elections fairer, but our Supreme Court has been making some fucked up decisions lately. Screw it, I’m voting no. Perhaps Scalia will be dead by the time the next lawsuit comes around.
Proposition O: Taxes oil production in Los Angeles. Not many people know it, but Los Angeles sits on top of the largest oil field in the world. A lot of it has already been extracted, but there are still over 50 operating fields. Look, if I’m asking the potheads to pony up, then the oil folks will too. Yes.
Charter Amendment P: Jesus, how long is this alphabet? Charter P creates an emergency reserve account for the city. Wait, are you saying we didn’t have one of those already? Holy squidmas, even I’m more fiscally responsible than that, and my retirement plan is to let Citibank repossess my organs. Voting For.
Charter Amendment Q: Finally, the end. This is something complicated about hiring in civil service positions. Whatever, no one is against it so I’ll vote for and send my love to the folks in HR.
Well, that’s it! Except no, there still a bunch of people to vote for. Are you sure you want more democracy, Greater Middle East? It can be stupendously dull. Onward!
City Council, 4th District: Every year, incumbent Tom LeBonge sends me a lovely calendar with photographs he’s taken of Los Angeles (March has the Silver Lake Reservoir). Sure, it’s shameless pandering, but I find it oddly charming. He’s opposed by Tomás O’Grady and Stephen Box. Tomás “Silver Fox” O’Grady managed to snag the LA Times endorsement, largely on the basis of not being Tom LeBonge. He’s an environmentalist and “small business man” although I’m a little unclear on what that business is. Stephen Box produced music videos for Limp Bizkit (seriously). Oh fine, I’ll toss a vote to O’Grady - but I expect a goddamn calendar.
Community College District Board of Trustees: There are four seats up for grabs. At this point I’m almost ready to vote at random, before remembering that the youth are our future, and it’s not like they can hang out at the libraries as much as they used to. SmartVoter.org, as usual, provides the info.
Seat 1: I’m going with Mona Fields. She seems nice (also, qualified).
Seat 3: Oooh, a write in candidate! Except he seems to be some kind of right wing wingnut. You can keep on hanging with Andrew Breitbat and leave the kids to us. This leaves Steven Veres and Joyce Burrell Garcia. Hey, Steven Veres gets our first endorsement by Sheriff Lee Baca! It just wouldn’t be an election without one. Nevertheless, I’m voting for Joyce.
Seat 5: A few of the people running for this seat list their occupation as “Neighborhood Council Boardmember.” I am highly dubious that is truly a full time job, even for the woman who claims to be treasurer. I am also dubious that “boardmember” is really one word, as three of the candidates insist. Ruling the out the dubiously employed and grammared, my vote goes to the awesomely named Octavio Pescador, who has snagged the coveted endorsement of Dodger Hall of Fame announcer Jaime Jarrin.
Seat 7: So what makes a person decide to try for Seat 7 as opposed to Seat 5? What’s so great about Seat 5 that seven people decide to go for it and only two for Seat 7? At this point, I hardly care. Neither does Miguel Santiago, apparently, he supplies zero information. You win, Erick Aguirre!
Holy shit, that was a lot for a not-even-a-midterm election. I’m almost too exhausted to actually vote. But I will, because I need to be at the start of that donor list when Citibank comes for my liver.
