brilliant mistake

At first, it always seems like a good idea.

brillmiss at gmail dot com
October 25
“ Let’s say someone says, out of the blue, ‘It’s 6 o’clock!’ You can say ‘Thank you, Big Ben!’ (‘Big Ben’ is a nickname for a giant clock in London.) ”
How to Have a Witty Conversation - wikiHow
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“Marriage isn’t a used tissue you can just throw away; you have to sleep with that snotty kleenex for the rest of your life.”

Rescuemarriage.org uses the California electoral system for the only thing for which it is still useful: satire.

Now authorized by the California Secretary of State.

(Also check out the interview with at cockeyed.com. “I wish that I could force people that hate each other with the intensity of a thousand white suns back into a loveless marriage, but my attorneys tell me that getting that law passed would be unlikely in the current political climate.”)

October 22
“ But to talk about burritos is to charge down a road lined with IEDs, every bump potentially the charge that is going to send you flying into a ditch, every screeching curve potentially your last. Tell me what kind of burrito you like and I will tell you who you are, but tell me what kind of burrito you really think I should like and I start looking for the next escape route out of town. The last time we casually described the moist, overstuffed monstrosity that San Francisco calls a burrito, it was almost enough to prod the weepy, black bean–craving citizens to ride their fixies down here to picket. Do we dare insult the oozing tubes of melted cheese that pass for burritos in San Diego, the deep-fried mail bombs in Arizona, or the suppurating man-purses you find in Colorado? Need we even address the fungus-munching, DF-bred snobs who claim the burrito is as un-Mexican as duck à l’orange? ”
Los Angeles Eat+Drink - What Is a Burrito? A Primer
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“ Do you really think Frank Sinatra lived to be 84 years old? In fact the “Chairman of the Board” had a new crowd to entertain in the late 80s/early 90s.
These people are clone hosts. Now, there is no thing as “black and white” with the Gods. This technology they invented is far, far too dynamic. Expect they require most to stay for a period of time, for I suspect actively (knowingly) engaging in this evil incurrs at an accelerated rate as compared to “carte blanche” given regarding successive clone hosts. They remain until they achieve a pre-determined level of disfavor, incurring evil in their misguided celebration of “earning”, at which time they are ultimately reincarnated, perhaps because they eventually learned this truth I am sharing with you and began to repair their relationship. ”
“i GOTTA FART” stops by to divulge the meaning of life in a 3540 word comment on a year-old recap of The Amazing Race. The Lord works in mysterious ways and has an awesome screen name.
October 21
One of the original croquet set models housed at the Royal Institution of London.

One of the original croquet set models housed at the Royal Institution of London.

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August Hofmann plundered his croquet set to illustrate the bonding properties of various elements for a lecture to the Royal Institution of Great Britain. Amazingly, Hofmann’s color scheme - arbitrarily chosen from the croquet set - has remained in use for 140 years: black for carbon, red for oxygen, green for chlorine, and white for hydrogen.

August Hofmann plundered his croquet set to illustrate the bonding properties of various elements for a lecture to the Royal Institution of Great Britain. Amazingly, Hofmann’s color scheme - arbitrarily chosen from the croquet set - has remained in use for 140 years: black for carbon, red for oxygen, green for chlorine, and white for hydrogen.

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“Los Angeles Police Chief William J. Bratton says the sculpture looks like ‘some kind of cow splat.’ Bratton, who seems personally insulted by the installation, says he first drove past the work and later walked back to see whether ‘it’s as ugly up close as it is when you’re driving by.’ Sounding mad enough to have the artist arrested, he says the answer is yes.” The new LAPD headquarters gets all artified by Peter Shelton. The artist says the sculptures represent two bisons, two bears, two hippos or any other fat animal you can think of.  Bratton states he also doesn’t understand what the sculptures have to do with police administration.

“Los Angeles Police Chief William J. Bratton says the sculpture looks like ‘some kind of cow splat.’ Bratton, who seems personally insulted by the installation, says he first drove past the work and later walked back to see whether ‘it’s as ugly up close as it is when you’re driving by.’ Sounding mad enough to have the artist arrested, he says the answer is yes.”

The new LAPD headquarters gets all artified by Peter Shelton. The artist says the sculptures represent two bisons, two bears, two hippos or any other fat animal you can think of.  Bratton states he also doesn’t understand what the sculptures have to do with police administration.

October 18
“When you look down at the ground, it’s like looking up at the sky.”

“When you look down at the ground, it’s like looking up at the sky.”

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“ He consummated his flirtations with the dolphin. ‘It was the most intense experience I’ve ever had,’ he says. ‘A transcendental experience. I felt I was completely wrapped up.’ The power of it scared him, though. He didn’t want to develop an attachment to her, not only because of their difference in species but also because they were going in different directions: The dolphin’s amusement park had closed, and she’d been sold to one in Gulfport, Mississippi; Brenner was attending school that fall in Olympia, Washington. ‘I felt bad about leaving her,’ he says of Ruby. ‘But quite frankly, I was weirded out. I felt I needed to get in a relationship with a woman.’ ”

It’s always hard to leave your high school sweetheart, especially when she was the first dolphin you ever raped*.

*I can’t believe the article buys into the “consent” fantasy of the zoophiliacs.

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October 17
If only someone had taken the time to write this article for wikihow, Acorn might not have gotten in all that trouble. Or maybe they thought that twerpy nilla was starting a comedy busker service. (From the suggested “Articles for You Write” section at the bottom of the “How to Attend an Anime Convention” page)

If only someone had taken the time to write this article for wikihow, Acorn might not have gotten in all that trouble. Or maybe they thought that twerpy nilla was starting a comedy busker service.

(From the suggested “Articles for You Write” section at the bottom of the “How to Attend an Anime Convention” page)

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Web M.D.?

Catastrophe has struck the New Shelton Wet/Dry. It’s back up in rough form with a new address, but the archives have been lost to the electronic ether. Perhaps some helpful internet ghost whisperer can help him out?

October 15
“ A youthful error? Yes, perhaps.
But he’s been punished for this lapse—
For decades exiled from LA
He knows, as he wakes up each day,
He’ll miss the movers and the shakers.
He’ll never get to see the Lakers.
For just one old and small mischance,
He has to live in Paris, France.
He’s suffered slurs and other stuff.
Has he not suffered quite enough?
How can these people get so riled?
He only raped a single child.
Why make him into some Darth Vader
For sodomizing one eighth grader?
This man is brilliant, that’s for sure—
Authentically, a film auteur.
He gets awards that are his due.
He knows important people, too—
Important people just like us.
And we know how to make a fuss.
Celebrities would just be fools
To play by little people’s rules.
So Roman’s banner we unfurl.
He only raped one little girl. ”

What Whoopi Goldberg (‘Not a Rape-Rape’), Harvey Weinstein (‘So-Called Crime’) et al. Are Saying in Their Outrage Over the Arrest of Roman Polanski

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